25 Reasons Why I Hate Being Infertile
March 1st, 2006 by Jessica

1. People always ask me if I have kids, or when I’m going to have kids, or why I don’t have kids, or…
2. I have PCOS so I always miss cycles and am constantly wondering if I am pregnant
3. I know I can GET pregnant with surgery, but can’t emotionally deal with going through the process all over again
4. People insist that if I relax it will just happen, and they refuse to understand the medical reasons behind why I can’t get pregnant on my own
5. We are not 100% positive that we can’t get pregnant, it’s just most likely the case, and we’ll never know for sure
6. I can’t listen to my favorite Madonna song because I sang it when I really was able to “dance with my baby” before my miscarriage
7. I hate the looks of concern and sorrow on people’s face when I tell them I can’t have kids
8. I hate it when said people then come up with the idea that we could adopt instead, duh
9. I feel like I’ve let my family and my husband’s family down because I’m a failure
10. No matter where I go, I’m always in line behind or in front of a mother with her kids
11. I can’t even walk past a Babies R Us without crying
12. I buy pregnancy tests knowing that they will be negative but I can’t stop myself from buying them anyway
13. We still owe thousands of dollars from our first miscarriage
14. I can’t even volunteer at the school because I’m not a “parent” and they all think I’m some kind of weirdo for wanting to help because my kids don’t go there
15. When my friends get pregnant they get all weird about it and either don’t want to tell me at all, or tell me first and try to be all careful like I’m going to hate them because they are pregnant
16. Most of my friends resent me because I’m a DINK and can travel anywhere I feel like and buy whatever I want
17. I feel like a failure toward my husband because he can’t have a biological child
18. It has all but ruined my marriage because of all the guilt and sorrow and depression being infertile has caused (but we’re working on that)
19. I’ll never have a little clone of myself running around the house
20. I’ll never get to give birth to my own child and experience a pregnancy again
21. I still have scars on my abdomen from the surgeries, reminding me every day how I got them
22. I still have the video tape of our ultrasounds because I can’t bring myself to throw it out
23. I have moles on my face from when I was pregnant that will never go away, and I remember every time I look in the mirror where they came from
24. I spend an unknown amount of time thinking about why this has happened to me
25. I constantly wonder if I’ll ever stop thinking about why this has happened to me…
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© 2013 Jessica M. Green